The Karmic Redemption

Varun, Shyam and I were seated at our desks vivaciously giggling and garrulously discussing about our last summer vacation. We were back to college for our seventh semester after two months long and an adventurous holiday. We three are the best of the buddies since our kindergarten probably both of them are more like an extended family to me.

The summer was drawing to a close. The air was humid and sultry. The torrid late summer weather had brought swarms of insects and flies all around our campus. As we were sulking about the dull and listless ambience around, I saw Priya enter our classroom. She was tall with a slightly lean physique, straight silky long hair with an impeccable shimmering wheatish skin tone. I was apparently bowled over by her subtle and elegant attire. She was a new entrant to our college. I was contemplating dubiously about this girl who has joined our college at the final year of our Engineering degree. All the eyes in the class were set on her as she sat at the corner of a desk nonchalantly. She looked despondent. As we were staring at her rather making her feel uncomfortable and awkward, Parvathy mam entered the class. She was our Data Structures lecturer. She beckoned Priya upon the dais and introduced her to all of us.

“Hello students, this is Priya from Coorg. She has recently moved here to Bangalore with her family. She had to discontinue her education in her native place due to some personal reasons and has joined our college to pursue her Engineering. I request all of you to welcome and assist her settle down in this campus as quick as possible. Priya, please be seated.”

“Thank you mam” as she greeted the lecturer, I saw her walk gently and sit next to Kavita, one of my classmate as the class begun for the day. It was not a very eventful first day at college except for the fact that this beautiful new girl had joined us. As I returned home I was preoccupied by her thoughts.

At night I bid goodnight to my parents and retired.

“Karthik watch out! There is a bus coming in the front... Hey watch out! Karthik control the breaks! Oh my god...”

I woke up petrified from my sleep. Every night I was traumatized by this nightmare reminding me of that horrendous day in my life. Every night I hallucinate with those illusions of Varun and Shyam screaming at the top of their voice blowing out of their lungs, shouting at me to control my car breaks. I was perspiring hard, realized that it was the same dream that had been haunting me ever since the accident took place, tossing on my bed unable to sleep for the rest of the night as usual.

Next morning, I marched to my college quite jubilantly with the anticipation of seeing Priya again. I was kind of bewitched by her or probably because she is this attractive newbie and the other old girls in my class is no longer a source of interest to me. Whatever the reason was, I was excited to see her, may be talk to her and befriend her. I entered the class and noticed Priya talking to Kavita and other few girls. I sat at my place watching her waiting patiently to find the right moment.

Later in the afternoon I met her at the canteen. She was eating alone. I grabbed this moment to introduce me to her.

“Hi! I am Karthik your classmate” I amicably extended my hands to her.

“Hi” she shook hands with me and greeted politely. I decided to continue the conversation and learn more details about her. Priya’s father was a bank employee. He sought for a transfer to Bangalore from Coorg to treat her mother’s ailing health conditions the details of which Priya did not divulge to me. That day I was discussing about her with Varun and Shyam who were envious of me and disappointed about the fact that they missed the chat session with her.

 As days passed, I cited reasons and excuses to both my endearing friends to evade them clandestinely and found more time to spend with Priya.

We talked on various topics and being a verbose it was usually easier for me to interact with anyone. But she was however quite a submissive types and I had to put in more efforts to gain her interest on me. Slowly and steadily we both discovered an intimate comradeship between each other while I was unknowingly falling in love with this charming damsel.

She used to sometimes share about her father whose wages was not good enough to support her mother’s medical conditions. I was born in an aristocratic family. My father was a successful businessman running multiple branches of his textile industries. Although there was opulence all over my house and there was never paucity for anything in my life I have always admired simple people. I inherited my mom’s trait who was a very humble and down to earth benevolent soul. I was enthralled by this simple girl, her modest and middle-class living style, her innocence masked by her beauty flabbergasted me. It was may be the fact that opposites attract, my two best friends were also from a middle-class family. I always wanted to be with them the reason for why I chose to study in an economical educational institution with them which they could afford.

Priya was cheerful sometimes but most of the times she remained morbid and sober. I presumed it was because of her mother’s ill health and comforted her all the times. I never wanted her to mistake me for an insensitive affluent boy which I never was apparently and always was by her side whenever she needed me.

“Karthik watch out! There is a bus coming in the front... Hey watch out! Karthik control the breaks! Oh my god...”

There again I was jolted off from my sleep by that dreadful dream yet another night. It was more than a year and a half now since that incident took place but I could never come over it and was jeopardized by some untoward prevalence. I never discussed this with anyone including Varun and Shyam. I was afraid of the nostalgic emotions I might go through if I confront this so concealed it away from them. That night I was left in deep thoughts. I was wondering if there is some hidden reason behind these reminiscences. “Why am I being disturbed by these thoughts again and again? Will it ever end? Am I destined to spend the rest of my life with this dreadful past?” I questioned my inner conscience as I lay on my bed unable to discover the answer, tried to sleep restlessly.

Priya had not attended the college from past three days and I was getting anxious about her absence. I was perturbed wondering if she was not well or something was wrong. There was no information about her with the lecturers at the college as well. I kept trying her landline number as she never owned a mobile phone but the line was dead. Finally I decided to visit her at her home. It had been five months since I was acquainted to her but never been to her place though I knew where she resided.

That evening I dressed up in my best outfit and drove to her place.

I rang her doorbell. After a couple of minutes the door opened. I saw Priya at the doorway, with puffy eyes, ashen face looking distraught. She was surprised to see me and in a feeble tone she greeted me and welcomed inside.

I sat across her in their living room staring at her while she was sitting with her face down not uttering a word. After a brief moment of silence I decided to talk.

“What happened Priya? Are you not keeping well? I was really worried about you... no message about you at the college as well... Is anything wrong? Please tell me....”

After a few minutes of pause she spoke. “My mom is in a very bad shape Karthik. She suffered from a severe panic attack a few years ago as a result of which she was paralyzed. From the past couple of months her hearing and speech is also diminishing. She is unable to respond to most of the signals. When our doctor at Coorg who was treating her was losing hopes in helping her recover, my father and I were completely left dejected. He referred us to one of his friend, a high profile neurosurgeon who works in Bangalore. So we moved to Bangalore to continue my mom’s treatment. Last week they discovered two major clots in my mom’s kidneys which would involve the removal of both her kidneys as soon as possible to avoid any further damage to her system. The doctor used some huge medical terminologies which I could not fathom. This would involve a major surgery and the doctor even mentioned that they would get some specialists from UK to do this surgery. But there was a clause added to this. My mom is O-ve blood group which is supposedly one of the rarest blood groups and so it would be quite difficult to find an organ donor with a matching blood group who could donate one kidney to my mother. Again if it is going to be organ transplantation this surgery would cost a fortune to us. My dad has been struggling since then to raise funds for my mom’s operation but he is unable to collect so much money. More than that finding a suitable donor is nearing to impossible with my mother’s abating health....We are clueless Karthik... My life has become a black hole...”

As she narrated with tears rolling down her eyes I was feeling miserable for her plight. I did not know how to console her...

“Uh...I am truly sorry for you... Please don’t cry... I am unable to see you like this...”

“This is the reason Karthik I don’t like to share any of my personal problems and get empathized with anyone and dislike the most to break down in front of anyone.... But I could not control my emotions the moment I saw you... “she told with unbearable anguish in her heart.

“Oh! Priya I did not mean that way!! Please don’t treat me like some stranger... I will always be there for you as your well wisher whenever you need me...”

She calmed down after a while... “Can I see your mom unless she is sleeping, I would not want to disturb her...?” I told.

“She is asleep...anyway you can just come inside her room... not an issue...”

“By the way where is your dad?”

“He has gone out on some work... Come this way Karthik” as she spoke she led me to her mom’s room. I saw her mother lying on her bed.

I was glancing through her mother’s room. The room was filled with a pungent odour of medicines all over. There were 2 old chairs beside her mom’s cot and a rack flooded with her pills and syrup, a bed pan below the cot. It was bleak and mind-harrowing. As I decided to leave the room suddenly my eyes caught a photo frame hung on the wall at the room’s exit. A striking familiarity of someone I knew in the past but could not recollect who it was at the sight of the photo. I felt queasy and troubled. Unaware of the cause for my unexpected fracas happening within me I wanted to leave Priya’s house immediately. I confirmed her attendance to college the next day, asked her to call me if she needed any help and bid her bye and sped back home.

I was paranoid unable to remove the image of that photo I saw in Priya’s mother’s room. I was trying hard to figure out who it was. I felt that it was someone very close to my memory but I could not get it out. I could not hold my inquisitiveness within. I decided to enquire Priya about this mysterious person the next day at the college.

At the college I was impatiently awaiting some interval between my lecture sessions to check out 

with Priya about the photo. Priya had come to college that day a little late though. I took her to the canteen for lunch.

“I hope you are feeling a little better now Priya?”

She smiled at me though despairingly and told “Yeah... I am OK.”

With a bit of hesitation I finally asked. “Uh... Priya yesterday at your house I noticed a photo of someone in your mom’s room...Is he any relative?”

She looked at me baffled with a question mark on her face. “Why do you ask?”

“Uh... Just like that... You have always mentioned only about your mom and dad so out of curiosity I asked and also his face seemed somewhat familiar to me...”

Suddenly her face turned sullen and gloomy. She drank a glass of water kept on the table in front of her and was looking at me morose.

“That’s my brother, Vikram. He died 2 years ago in a road accident in Coorg when he was heading back home from work. Our lives changed after that incident completely Karthik. Soon after the news of my brother’s untimely demise reached my mother she got that panic attack and fell unconscious. Since that day my father has been grieving his son’s death on one end and struggling to help my mother recover on the other end.”

I was dumbstruck.  I was feeling disgusting about myself for digging some past from Priya’s life which she was rather uncomfortable to disclose but yet I knew I wanted to know the details. Quite reluctantly I probed her further to know about her brother’s death.

“Oh! I am sorry...How did it happen Priya? Uh... the accident?” I asked queasily.

“Some bunch of boys who were driving their car in a frenzy lost control while my brother was coming on his bike behind them. The bus that was coming from the opposite direction took a turn to avoid colliding with the car and instead rammed into my brother’s bike. By the time we reached the hospital the doctors declared him dead. Those boys also evacuated from the scene and the police could not trace who they were. But my father who was in deep anguish and pain did not lodge a complaint because he believed that it is not going to help him get his son back alive while he also had his wife on the other side attacked with paralysis to attend.”

I sat across her still, stoic, like frozen ice. She wiped her tears and went back to the class. Her words hovered through my mind, my body quivering as I sat with deaf ears to the lectures in the class. I felt butterflies rumbling inside my tummy. I did not attend the last lecture class of that day. Varun and Shyam noticed my unusual behaviour. I avoided conversation with them when Varun asked me the reason for leaving early who was taken aback by my peculiar action.

I took my car and drove fast. It was déjà vu all over as I recollected Priya’s narration about her brother’s accident. That day flashed across my mind... the horrendous day that had been haunting me all this while.

It was two years ago when Varun, Shyam and I had planned our road trip to Coorg. My dad had gifted me a new Volkswagen Polo. I was thrilled about my new car and wanted to take it on a road trip with my friends.

That night we all boozed for the first time. I was feeling slightly dizzy albeit good enough to ride my car way back home. Varun insisted we stay that night and go back the next morning. But my dad had commanded that we return home that day as we had already spent more than a week there. He was unaware of our conditions and I did not have the courage to tell him that I was drunk. I convinced Varun and Shyam that I was completely fit enough to drive the car. I regret that decision till date.

I drove my car with Varun seated beside me and Shyam at the rear end. The roads were curvy with dense bushes on both the sides of the lane. There weren’t sufficient street lights but I managed to rip through. Suddenly I was feeling dizzy and nauseating again when Varun saw a bus coming in the opposite direction.

“Karthik watch out! There is a bus coming in the front... Hey watch out! Karthik control the breaks! Oh my god...” as I heard Varun shouting and Shyam screaming from behind, I lost control, took a steep turn and jammed my car into the bushes on the side. We survived with minor bruises. I came back to my senses and checked if both my friends were OK. Varun and I stepped outside the car to check on the bus leaving behind Shyam who had still not come out of the shock inside the car. 

The bus had collided against a two wheeler who was coming behind my car. The bus was actually returning to the shed and hence there were no passengers inside. There were only the bus driver and the conductor. I ran to the roadside and saw the conductor and the driver who were trying to help the bleeding two wheeler. We were tensed and panicking in fear. We went closer to those 3 men struggling there, took a quick glimpse of the injured victim in the dark and called an ambulance immediately. I gave a bottle of water to drink to the injured person who had collapsed down on the road unable to get up on his toes. I stood beside him waiting patiently for the ambulance to arrive. From far when we heard the siren of the ambulance beeping loudly I requested the bus driver and conductor to lift that injured guy and take him to the hospital while I told I would follow the ambulance.

After the ambulance left I did not have the courage to go to the hospital. I insisted Varun to accompany me to not get into any further trouble, we went back to my car and drove back home.

I came back to my senses after reminiscing that terrible moment in my life. An intense sense of remorse was killing me from within. I could not return home. I was terrified. I went to the coffee shop that Varun, Shyam and I usually frequent. After contemplating hard, I finally decided that only my best friends could give me little solace this time. I called both of them to meet me. I knew they were anticipating my call after my bizarre reaction towards them at the college. Both of them arrived to the coffee shop on Varun’s bike.

 Varun noticed me seated there pale rather freaked out.

 “What happened to you? You were not yourself at the college” Varun asked anxiously. I was gasping for breath. I tried speaking but choked. After a few minutes I settled down and spoke.

“I love Priya.” I told.

“Wow! That’s amazing.... I knew you guys were up to something....But you don’t look OK. Did something go wrong?”  As Shyam asked I was gaping at them.

“I have not told her yet, probably will never confess my love to her... I am a murderer.”

“What are you blabbering Karthik?” bewildered, Varun asked.

“Do you guys remember the night we drove my car in Coorg when I lost control. A two wheeler was injured by the bus that turned to avoid colliding with us. That injured victim was Priya’s elder brother. He died on the way to the hospital. I have committed an irrevocable, irremediable mistake in my life. I should have stayed back that night... I did not listen to you Varun. I have done a great injustice to Priya and her family unknowingly though... Her family is in deep pain. Her mother has become sick ever since then. I don’t know what to do now...I am feeling hopeless, lost...” I broke down.

Varun and Shyam were appalled to hear this. Varun was speechless. His eyes became moist.

“I have never disclosed something that has been haunting me since that episode. I get these dreams, those words you screeched at me when you both noticed the bus coming towards us. Every night I am reminded of this moment. I met Priya and thought things would change. My love would give me some serenity and peace in life. But after I heard her tell about her brother’s tragic death my life has become even more miserable. I don’t know how I am going to repay for all my misdoings to her and her tormented family.” I continued sobbing bitterly.

Shyam could not figure how to console me. Varun who knew me better regained his composure and tried to calm me down.

“Karthik, please control your emotions. I know there are no words that could convince you but you cannot continue living like this. Probably it was destiny that made you encounter Priya but let’s find some way to help her and her family recover from their irremediable loss. Please calm down.  There is nothing you can do by just lamenting now. “

  

After hours of consolation therapies from both my buddies I attempted to be back to normal. Varun’s reassurance gave me a bit of confidence that I will be able to figure out some way to redeem my sins. 

Later I returned home. I could not eat or do anything. I was numb sitting like a zombie in my room. Despite my mother’s repeated questions about my melancholy state I did not utter anything to her. I closed my room and sat on my bed staring at the walls.  After a while I went to sleep.

“My mom is O-ve blood group which is supposedly one of the rarest blood groups and so it would be quite difficult to find an organ donor with a matching blood group who could donate one kidney to my mother. Again if it is going to be organ transplantation this surgery would cost a fortune to us...

My life has become a black hole Karthik...”

I woke up with a jolt. Priya’s words were reverberating through my ears. Suddenly there I unravelled the answers for my unsolved mysterious nightmares, a means to repair my life.  My blood group was O-ve as well which I did not realize the first time Priya told me about her mother’s illness. I prepared my mind and decided to donate one of my kidneys to her mother. This was the only small way I figured out to come over my remorse, a sacrifice for my love, for my mistake.

Next morning I decided to disclose my decision to my parents. My mom was preparing breakfast with our maid assisting her while my dad was busy in his office room.  

“Mom...” I called her. She looked at me worried. “Good morning honey! Are you OK?  I was really worried about you last night.”

“I am fine mom. I need to talk to you and dad. Can you please come with me to dad’s office room?”

“Are you OK? Is everything fine? What’s the matter son?” she questioned me in a perturbed tone.

I comforted her that she need not fret and held her hand and walked her to my dad’s room. My dad who was doing some official work was surprised to see both of us.

“Hey what’s the matter Karthik? What are you both doing here?”

I seated my mom near my dad and spoke.

“Dad, mom there was something that I have not confessed to you from very long. I think it’s time I disclose it to both of you.” I recounted the whole incident – about my fateful Coorg trip, that disastrous night, about my reverie, about Priya, her mother’s ailing health conditions.

My mom and dad were gaping at me with utmost shock as I outburst my emotions.

“I have made a decision now. I want to donate one of my kidneys to Priya’s mother. I feel that is the only way I can help them for my mistake.” I completed.

My mom was in tears. My dad was silent left in deep thoughts.

“Karthik, I really feel terrible for all that has happened with you and sad that I never knew about this. I can totally understand what you are going through but I would like to know if this is the only option. Why don’t we give them money to help them treat her mother?”

My dad an insensitive business man did not bother much about human values and emotions. All he knew was to multiply his money. I anticipated him to come up with this option.

My mother entirely contrasted my dad. She was an altruistic, extremely kind and a noble person. She glared at him though she was also not happy with my decision being her son, her only child. Yet she said nothing.

I continued controlling my tears “Dad money will not help. Why should I meet Priya? Of all the girls in this world I fell in love with her. Now I know about her. Her mother is an O-ve blood group holder. Turns out I am also one. Since two years I have been restless with those tragic moments flashing across my eyes tormenting me every night. There is some Karmic connection. God is hinting something to help me redeem my sins. A penalty for my irrevocable mistake. He has pointed out something and I figured this was the only option.  Nothing will happen to me mom. I will still survive healthily and most importantly blissfully with one kidney. I have to do this. Please support me.  I need some strength from both of you.”

Finally they conceded.  I was contented. I decided to meet Priya next evening and informed her that I would be visiting her at her home.

As promised I met her at her place. Priya and her dad were at home.

After I drank the cup of coffee that she offered me I opened up suppressing my emotions.

“Uncle I heard from Priya about aunty’s condition and your son. Since then those were the only thoughts running through my mind. I want to help you. I am a O-ve blood group holder. I would like to donate one kidney to aunty.”

Both of them were startled rather overwhelmed by my volunteering offer.

“Son, I am immensely touched by your noble intensions. But I cannot accept this. You are too young and it would be very unfair on us to take this help from you. We will find some other person. If nothing works out I will convince myself probably if this was what was bestowed on us by god and let my wife live as long as she could.”

I argued, tried every angle possible and forcefully made them approve.

 “My parents know about my decision and they have approved as well. I owe this to you and your family to clear some past debts. Please uncle kindly accept and don’t ask me anything else.”

Though they did not comprehend the inner meaning in my last statement after quite a strong persuasion from my end finally they hesitatingly conceded and thanked me again immensely which I knew I did not deserve.

At the hospital all arrangements for the surgery was made. My father was there at the hospital. My mom did not come as she did not have the heart to see me undergo all this. After four hours of major surgery, the transplantation was over. I was unconscious. Priya’s mother gained consciousness after three hours. I got my senses a little later. I opened my eyes and saw Priya and my dad sitting beside me.

With immense joy she cried. I was a bit weak to speak to her. “My mom has gained her consciousness Karthik. She is able to speak now. Doctor informed that few sessions of physiotherapy will also help her legs and hands function normally and she might be able to walk in some months. She is fine now Karthik and it is all because of you.” She held my hand as I felt her tears falling on my palm. I was extremely elated.  I realized an inexpressible bliss within me.

After three weeks I met Priya’s mother at their house. She was sitting on a wheel chair. Priya’s dad welcomed me inside. Her mother smiled. She recognized me for the first time though I visited their house before the transplantation quite a few times.

In a mellowed down voice she spoke to me. “Priya and her dad told about you. Thanks a ton son. Thanks a lot for relieving my husband and Priya from our pain in a great way.  Are you in a good health son?”

“I am fit and fine aunty. Don’t worry about me. Please take care of yourself.”

After chatting for some time I decided to leave.

“Uncle let me know if you need anything. Please don’t hesitate.”

  Priya’s dad embraced me and shed tears on me. I was feeling heavy and told him that it was his entire struggle and prayers that worked the magic and I don’t want to take any credits in this.

I smiled and waved at Priya who stood at the doorway with a twinkle in her eyes. There was an unsaid love and affection sparking between us. But I would never be able to accept that love. I headed to pick my car. I knew I will never disclose those secrets to Priya or her family but will definitely remain Priya’s well-wisher and best friend forever.

Burying my untold love within my heart and with a slight sense of relief from my guilt and a hope that I would not be tormented by those dreams again I sat inside my car and drove home!!!