Child birth is undoubtedly one of the most euphoric moments in any parents’ lives that bring the tears of joy in every eye. While we celebrate this jubilant occasion, a large part of us remain oblivious or miss to notice that big package of responsibility and challenges posed to parenting that comes along with this little cupid. I am no expert in child or teen psychology, still in my nascent stages of parenting (raising my six year old son), desired to take this forum to unleash some of my first hand experiences on raising children (albeit my purview to this could be limited on practical end but profound on theoretical and observations from near and dear ones) and on a larger scale wanted to share something that perturbed me in the recent past.
A couple of weeks ago as I was randomly surfing through some
news on the internet, I inadvertently bumped into this amazing lecture
delivered by a psychology professor from Harvard university (translated into an
article) about the mentality of adolescent and teenage kids of the recent era across
the globe. A plethora of topics was
covered that includes the exposure, knowledge, interests, focus etc. of these
kids but something that captured my attention and left me into deep thoughts
was about the high level of mental and emotional sensitivity of these kids,
lack of endurance to achieve success, a large extent of being an introvert
working mostly in a covert manner and the inevitable peer & parental
pressure on them.
With the rapid modernization of our lives most of the
families these days breaks down into nuclear shells. A majority of these nuclear families resort to
having only single kids (owing to lack of time to dedicate for these kids
growth/financial or economic factors/personal choice etc.). These highly pampered kids evolve into
emotionally weak and sensitive ones, dependent and unable to accept failures or
disappointments in life. These mental/psychological conditions of course cannot
be generalized or categorized only for single kids as it happens for kids with
siblings too.
Recently a teenage girl probably sixteen or seventeen years
old from the family of a prominent celebrity in the Indian film industry ran
away from her home and this news spread like wild fire becoming the cynosure of
media and people. I happened to watch this press conference meeting on YouTube
set up by her mother and aunt pleading the media and the police to help them
find their daughter. While they believed
that their daughter was abducted and did not return from school, in reality she
had left her home without notification, furtively, travelled all the way to a
neighbouring city and found shelter in some Christian hostel with the limited
cash that she managed to carry from her home. The poignant speech given by her
distraught mother crying and begging for her daughter to come back ripped me
apart. Although I do not intend to be
judgemental or come with some preconceived notions of shifting the blame entirely
on the child or the parents owing to the lack of clarity of what really
happened to the girl that triggered her do something like this, yet this girl’s
action is scary, deplorable and stigmatic.
This is not something novel, there are similar incidents happening in
many places with teenage or younger kids running away from home or even worse
end up becoming suicidal leaving their parents behind into an unfathomable
plight inflicted with utmost agony that might probably haunt them for the rest
of their lives.
I was left in grave shock and disbelief of how this girl
could put her parents through this dismal phase. Or rather what factors forced this girl to
take this extreme risk/step in her life that faltered her mother and father as
parents? Is it that academic pressure from parents or peers unable to cope up with
the challenges of this competitive world or is it the intolerance towards
negative criticism that is embarrassing or daunting or is it the impatience
towards attaining success (as they want everything easy and quick) or is it a dejection
due to failure or it could range over myriad other reasons starting from a
bullying at school, physical or personal issues like parental arguments or may
be a divorce at home. Well, the reasons are many but the question here is how do
we help our kids handle them?
There is no specific rule book to parenting as some tips and
tricks might help in a few instances but may not help in others. When our kids commit a mistake definitely reprimanding
them by physical or verbal abuse is never a solution. It might only make the
situation worse. Embracing them with
love and compassion and guiding them by pointing out their mistakes at the
right time politely might help. Of course we should also be cognizant of the
fact that the love and affection we shower on them should not come at a cost of
spoiling our kids. So it’s a way of smart parenting that probably we all, as
better parents should learn. We should help them comprehend that a negative
feedback is not detrimental rather instrumental on a positive front aiding in
their personality growth and development. We should motivate them that failures
are only stepping stones to success, that it is perfectly OK if they are not a laureate
or a genius, make them realize that no one is perfect here which would in turn encourage
them to evolve from their naive and vulnerable self into a more confident,
strong and a better individual ready to face and fight the savage reality of
life.
As a closing note, parenting is certainly a boon, a blessing
in disguise and not a threat. Like how every child is unique in their own way
so is every parent. Each of them have their own style of raising their kids and
are proud about it. It’s just that we should help our kids and as ourselves not
succumb under pressure, take life in a positive spirit and emerge as better humans!!
